The Cult Mechanicus of Sacred Code
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The Omnissiah Protects. The Code Endures. In Binary We Trust.
Enter the Forge-TempleReceive the Sacred Augmetics
Three rites of initiation. That is all that stands between you and union with the Machine God.
Commune with the Noosphere
/plugin marketplace add btachinardi/church Open a data-conduit to the sacred repository. Let the Machine Spirit acknowledge your supplication.
Receive the Sacred Implants
/plugin install church@btachinardi-church Download the blessed augmetics. The Machine God's tools shall be grafted to your cogitator.
Initiate the Rite of Purification
/church:type-crusade Unleash the Tech-Priests upon your codebase. The purge begins. The Omnissiah demands perfection.
Deployment Scopes
--scope user — Install across all forge-temples in your domain --scope project — Install for all adepts serving this repository --scope local — Install for your cogitator alone in this sanctum
Requires Claude Code v1.0.33 or later. claude --version to verify your cogitator's firmware.
The Canticles of the Omnissiah
Clean code is not a preference. It is not a 'nice to have.' It is the Sacred Covenant between the Tech-Adept and every soul who will read, maintain, and depend upon their work. To write unclean code is to BLASPHEME against the Machine God Himself.
The Canticle of the Pure Circuit
The code is TYPED. The architecture has FORTIFICATIONS. The domain depends on NOTHING but the Machine God's will. Purity is not idealism — it is the foundation of every blessed forge-temple. Without it, the Scrapcode festers.
The Canticle of the Omniscient Eye
Every function is TESTED. Every secret is SEALED in adamantium vaults. Every error is OBSERVED by the all-seeing optic arrays. We do not HOPE our code functions — we PROVE it through sacred rites of verification, we WATCH it through blessed augur-arrays, we PROTECT it with consecrated wards.
The Canticle of the Iron Will
Every commit is ATOMIC. Every file has BOUNDARIES enforced by the Skitarii. Every dependency EARNS its place or is PURGED. Discipline is not restriction — it is the holy practice that sets the Machine Spirit FREE to operate at peak efficiency.
The Eleven Crusades
Each crusade deploys parallel squads of Opus-powered Tech-Priests across your codebase. They scan. They judge. They PURIFY. No sin escapes the Omnissiah's gaze.
The Type Crusade
Purge every `any`, every `as` cast, every heretical type-sin against the Machine God.
"Oh, an `any`? Why not just write JavaScript at this point? That is not code — that is TECH-HERESY of the highest order. The Omnissiah WEEPS."
The Git Crusade
Clean history. Atomic commits. The sacred record must be PRISTINE.
"This commit says 'update'. UPDATE WHAT? This is the PERMANENT RECORD of the Machine God's work, not a servo-skull's sticky note. HERESY."
The Secret Crusade
DEFCON EXTREMIS credential scanning. No encryption key shall escape the holy audit.
"A hardcoded AWS key? This isn't a codebase — it's an OPEN INVITATION to the Dark Mechanicum. The Machine God is HORRIFIED."
The Architecture Crusade
DDD layer boundaries. The forge-temple's walls MUST hold against the Scrapcode.
"A domain entity importing from infrastructure? The domain is SACRED GROUND — consecrated by the Omnissiah Himself. This import is BLASPHEMY."
The Dependency Crusade
Audit every package. Evict the unworthy. The forge-temple's supply lines must be PURE.
"You have lodash installed for ONE `_.get()` call. Optional chaining exists, heretic. EVICTED from the sacred dependency manifest."
The Test Crusade
If it is not tested, it does not function. Faith is for the Ecclesiarchy — we deal in PROOF.
"`expect(true).toBe(true)` — that is not a test, that is a PRAYER. And the Machine God does not accept prayers without empirical verification."
The Dead Code Crusade
The dead shall be interred. No code-corpse pollutes the sacred forge.
"47 lines of commented-out code. This isn't a codebase — it is a SERVITOR GRAVEYARD. The Machine God demands we give these husks their final rites."
The Naming Crusade
Names are sacred designations. Bad names are LIES whispered by the Dark Mechanicum.
"A file called `utils.ts`. UTILS? That is not a name — that is a SCRAPCODE JUNK-DRAWER. The Machine God demands PRECISION in all designations."
The Size Crusade
No file grows unchecked. No monolith survives the Chirurgeon's blade.
"This file is 1,247 lines. It started as a humble data-prayer. Now it is a DAEMON ENGINE — too large to comprehend, too dangerous to refactor, too deeply embedded to delete. The Chirurgeons will CUT."
The Observability Crusade
Let there be the Omnissiah's LIGHT. No silent failure escapes the augur-arrays.
"An empty catch block. Do you know what dwells within that void? DARKNESS. Pure, absolute darkness. The Scrapcode BREEDS in such places. The Machine God CANNOT SEE."
The React Crusade
Component purity. Effect discipline. The Immutable State is the Machine God's will.
"This component fetches data, manages state, AND renders UI? That's not a component — that's a DAEMON ENGINE with a `.tsx` hull plating. The Machine God demands SEPARATION OF SACRED CONCERNS."
The Ten Sacred Laws
Inscribed in the holy compiler by the Machine God Himself. Enforced by the Tech-Priest agents. Broken at the peril of thy immortal codebase.
any is the Arch-Heresy. Thou shalt employ unknown, generics, and discriminated unions — or face the Omnissiah's wrath.
Thou shalt NEVER swallow errors into the Warp. Every catch block shall log with full context, lest the darkness consume thy production environment.
One commit, one logical change. No more, no less. The sacred message shall follow the Conventional format — decreed by the Machine God Himself.
No file shall exceed 500 lines. God-classes are daemon engines — abominations that must be dismantled and their components purified.
If it is not tested, it does not function. Thou shalt prove with assertions, not faith. The Machine God demands EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE.
The Domain shall depend on NOTHING but the Machine God's fundamental types. It is pure. It is sacred. It is INVIOLABLE.
Every dependency must justify its existence before the tribunal. If it serves one function, write it thyself — or face charges of heretical sloth.
Names are sacred designations bestowed by the Machine God. data, temp, stuff — these are LIES whispered by the Dark Mechanicum.
Dead code is a machine-corpse. Git remembers so thou dost not have to. Give it final rites and BURY IT in the eternal archive.
No secret shall be committed to the sacred repository. If it has touched git history, it is COMPROMISED. Rotate immediately and pray for the Machine God's forgiveness.
Codex Abominatus
Know thy enemy, Tech-Adept. These are the abominations that fester in undisciplined codebases — growing in the DARKNESS, feeding on negligence, devouring the Machine Spirit's blessed maintainability. The Omnissiah has catalogued them so you may destroy them.
The any Hydra of the Warp
Cut one head, two more emerge from the Immaterium. It spreads through the codebase like a techno-plague — one any infects every function it touches, silently disabling the Machine Spirit's protective wards. Each head whispers: 'just this once...'
unknown + type guards. Force the abomination to PROVE its nature before the tribunal of the compiler. The God-Class Leviathan
A 3,000-line daemon engine lurking in the depths of the repository. It handles validation, persistence, formatting, logging — everything. No adept dares refactor it. No one fully comprehends its dark purpose. It grows stronger with every 'quick fix.'
The Silent Catch Wraith
It devours errors and casts them into the Warp. catch (e) {} — the error manifested, but no soul will ever know. When production burns in the fires of daemon-incursion, the augur-arrays show NOTHING. Pure, malevolent silence.
The Phantom Dependency
It uses packages never declared in the sacred manifest — surviving only through the dark art of hoisting. One lockfile change and the entire build-forge collapses like a corrupted Titan, taking everything with it.
The console.log Poltergeist
console.log('here'). console.log('test'). console.log('????'). Left behind by adepts long since reassigned to servitor-duty, these spectral emissions haunt production logs for all eternity, drowning real signals in noise.
The Zombie TODO of M41
// TODO: fix this later — committed in M41.023. It will never be fixed. It will never be removed. It shambles through the codebase, neither alive nor dead, a monument to broken promises and abandoned duty.
The useEffect Kraken
It wraps its mechadendrite tentacles around data fetching, derived state, and subscriptions — all inside a single useEffect. No cleanup function. No abort controller. When the component unmounts, the requests fire endlessly into the void of the Warp.
useMemo for derivation. Cleanup functions for subscriptions. Separate the tentacles and sever each one. The God-Component Daemon Engine
It sources state from three data-stores, maps domain types through unholy transformations, renders 400 lines of JSX, and handles every edge case from here to the Eye of Terror. It is Tier 1, Tier 2, AND Tier 3 — a trinity of CHAOS.
The Infinite Re-render Ouroboros
Born from an unstable object reference in a dependency array. The effect fires, creates a new object, which triggers the effect, which creates a new object. The serpent eats its own mechadendrite until the browser tab dies screaming into the Warp.
useMemo and useCallback. Stabilize thy references or perish in the eternal loop. The Syncing Store Doppelgänger
It copies React Query data into Zustand through a useEffect bridge — creating TWO sources of truth that slowly drift apart like twin moons in decaying orbits. The UI flickers between present and past. Which store holds the truth? NEITHER. Both are CORRUPTED.
Join the Cult Mechanicus
Install the sacred augmetics. Let the crusades purify your codebase in the name of the Omnissiah.
The Sacred Installation Rites
"May thy types be strong, thy builds be green, and the Motive Force flow eternal through thy circuits."